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contination
"WARNING"...Bad Virus!! If you receive
an email entitled "Badtimes", delete it immediately! Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only
erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes
the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace
field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone's autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table
when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have
some) to migrate behind your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with
scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings,
which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment,
it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only
remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. It will
replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like
dill pickles. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade
of mauve. These are just a few signs of infection. PLEASE E-MAIL ME IF YOU WILL LIKE TO RECIEVE MORE JOKES FROM ME!
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